Transformation of Thoughts

Today I offer you a transformation in thoughts, feelings, and beliefs.  My December 2014 self in comparison to my September 2018 self.  The words flowed as easily today as they did back then…but with a much different perspective on the energy I choose to bring into the world.

I have made seemingly small, insignificant choices over the last 1,400 days that has brought me to a new place…one that is sustainable and deeply rooted.  A place that is more comfortable and equally (if not more) productive and fulfilling.  A place that still takes pride in a job well done or a smile across someone’s face…but does not require me to sacrifice my mind, body, and soul to achieve it…In fact, I am more me than I have ever been before.

I share this with you as a source of hope…that maybe you are not as trapped as you think you are…maybe with some journaling sessions, meaningful conversations with loved ones or bosses and a possible therapy session…small adjustments can begin to be made over time.  Sure some chaos may ensue, but the dust will settle and everyone will adjust around your new normal.  You deserve a life that you don’t NEED to take a vacation from!

Bio picAlicja Carter, MHR, LADC, BHWC, has been working in the behavioral health and addiction treatment field for over ten years.  She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor and Wellness Coordinator/Coach for Gateway to Prevention and Recovery in Shawnee, Oklahoma.  Alicja is passionate about pursuing a well life and collaborating with others for the purpose of stimulating positive change in her community.

 

Ep 15 The Attorney That Cares, Jennifer Jackson, Joins Rachael to Talk About Balancing Motherhood, Billable Hours and Defining Yourself

Jennifer Jackson and I ran track together in college and now she and her husband raise three beautiful, athletic children while both pursuing professional careers.  Jennifer tackles social injustices through her career as an attorney and through the mission field.  She will encourage you to define your version of success.

 

Show notes:

Jennifer Jackson is an attorney who cares — about her clients and her community. Her professional and personal philosophy includes giving back in ways that make a meaningful difference to the local and global communities. Jennifer is a firm believer in Gandhi’s idea of “being the change you want to see in the world.” Being a mom of three provides critical time management and conflict resolution skills that prove invaluable in and meeting the needs of clients. Experienced in workers’ compensation, products liability, employment and trucking, Jennifer evaluates the case in order to provide early and efficient resolution. But litigation is not the only concern for clients so she provides a holistic approach with care and attention combined with loads of experience and knowledge. When not devoting her time to the practice of law since 2002 she is helping various non-profits offer free legal services to the underprivileged, rescue women and children from trafficking and connect kids with mentors to help keep them off of drugs and out of gangs.

3 Adjustments You Can Make To Shred Stress

Throughout my life people have always told me, “Wow, you sure have a lot of things going on.”  I heard it my sophomore year before I caught pneumonia from overexerting myself with school activities and depleting my immune system.  I heard it when I was teaching six Zumba classes per week and crashing from too many caffeine supplements and not enough rest.  I heard it when I was working 12+ hour days, mindlessly shoveling Van’s burgers down my throat, and experiencing intense, regular headaches and near blindness in my left eye.  I heard it when I was juggling work, fitness classes, a new business, band rehearsal, and play practice.

In fact, my therapist confirmed that I am better at “doing” instead of “being.”  For the most part, I am okay with this part of myself.  My energy, ideas, and work ethic have me floating on cloud nine most days.  Even when I do have time to relax, my mind and body fight it.  It seems like I am calibrated to a frequency where “calming down” is what requires the most work.

So why do it?  Well, because no matter how unnatural downshifting is to me, it’s going to happen one way or another.  I can mindfully pump the brakes slowly throughout the day or my keen biology will slam my butt into park until further notice.  According to research developed through the Blue Zones Project, communities that take time to downshift or shred the stress of the day live longer, healthier lives. 

So after learning everything the hard way, here are 3 adjustments that I’ve made to my routine to slow my roll:

1.  I have priorities… and no, not everything is a priority.  When reading the book, You Are Not Your Brain, I was encouraged to make a list of my priorities.  Webster’s Dictionary defines priority as “something that is more important than other things and needs to be done or dealt with first.”  So tell me why by the time I was finished, I had filled two pages.  Needless to say, when everything was a priority, my life was like the Tetris video game…eventually the pieces came too fast, piling on top of one another, until it was GAME OVER.  Today, one of my top values is MY Wellness.  Each day, I put items on the schedule that support this value and place all other demands, expectations, and obligations around it.  Balls are going to drop.  This time, it won’t be me.   

2.  My calendar has blank spots.  Just because I can say yes to something on the weekends, doesn’t mean that I should.  Sleeping in, cooking healthy food, talking with people that I love, and taking my time at the gym all have their rightful spot in my life today.  Sure, it sounds like I am still “doing”, but the pace isn’t harried or forced.  I experience peace and contentment.  It is not a check on my To-do list.

3.  I eat food that I have to cook.  Recently, I found myself very anxious in the evening.  With all of this “extra” time on my hands, I was restless and would wind up in the kitchen looking for something accessible to munch on.  This would turn into making poor choices and eventually getting down on myself.  I also realized that I wasn’t respecting the process of what it takes to harvest, ship, purchase, cook, and consume healthy food.  Therefore, I connected with individuals in my community that support a Plant-Based Whole Food way of life.  The process of chopping vegetables clears my mind and the end result nourishes my soul.  Sharing recipes and experiences connects me to a healthy tribe and makes me feel settled.

Honestly, There is never a good time to downshift.  You will most likely feel guilty and the people around you will get annoyed.  Things are never going to slow down.  The break is never going to come.  The light is not at the end of the tunnel.  No amount of better preparation or organization will keep the pieces from coming…faster.  The world will continue to take as long as you are offering.  Every time you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to another.  You can’t have it all.  What are you sacrificing… and is it worth it? Only you can make the change.

 

Bio picAlicja Carter, MHR, LADC, BHWC, has been working in the behavioral health and addiction treatment field for over ten years.  She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor and Wellness Coordinator/Coach for Gateway to Prevention and Recovery in Shawnee, Oklahoma.  Alicja is passionate about pursuing a well life and collaborating with others for the purpose of stimulating positive change in her community.

 

She Has a Really Big….

Rolodex.  Of course.  A rolodex.  For those of you under the age of 30 you may not even know what a rolodex is, but way back in the time of paper we had these things that sat on our desks called a rolodex.  The rolodex was a desktop card index used to record names, addresses, and telephone numbers, (or business cards) in a rotating spindle or a small tray to which removable cards are attached.

 

Nowadays we call them phones.  🙂 . But in a recent retreat I participated we were asked to describe our self with one word and the first letter of that word had to be the first letter of our name.  So going with “R” I used the word relational.  I believe that I am a relational personal who builds long-lasting relationships.  I value my relationships with friends, business acquaintances and family a great deal.

I confess I am not the quickest to build the relationship.  I think I have mentioned before that I don’t make very good small talk.   But if we get past the small talk in our conversation then I dig in – I really get to know you.  I have known this about myself and I have a few close friends who know this about me, but honestly when the Mayor of our City described me to a consultant as having a really big rolodex, I was kind of shocked.

Should I be shocked that he thought of me as having a big rolodex? I guess I kind of thought that was my little secret.  Isn’t that kind of weird that I felt exposed and kind of “found out” when I was described as having a big rolodex.  You know, I know people.  haha

After weirding out about it just a little, I have come to take great pride in my rolodex.  I believe the people in my rolodex (or phone) are one of my greatest prized possessions.  I know people.  I know people who know people and everyday I love expanding my network of people.

John Maxwell once said in a training session that he always asks his new friends or acquaintances, “Who do you know that I should know?”  Maybe that is because he too values his rolodex.  He values the people he knows.  I believe I am in company with the likes of someone like Maxwell who is always focused on building his rolodex to grow and develop as a human, a leader, and a mentor.

#GoGrowYourRolodex

Practice Forgiveness for Happiness

There are so many books right now being published about happiness. While on the surface this may seem like a good topic and good for us all to be consuming, I believe it is one more indicator of tumultuous and hurting society.  We, as a collective unit, are desperately seeking anything to calm the storm that lives with us right now.  We are consuming the drugs of hate, bitterness, anger, and anxiety to a point of detrimental personal health and well-being.  We have a President who name calls like a teenage bully, news stations fueled with hate and division, and teenagers turning to gun violence and retaliation rather than professional help or friends.

I am so saddened by our unfulfilled hearts.  I am heavy hearted that we have so many people who are in desperate desire to understand what could/would make them happy.  I genuinely hurt when others cannot find happiness in their life.  I have seen the darkest of days where happiness seemed afar and true inner joy was a goal, yet overall, I am a happy person.

I recently listed to Oprah Winfrey and Maria Shriver on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations podcast and listened to Marie talk about her newest book, I’ve Been Thinking.  Maria spent a few minutes answering a question Oprah asked about what she teaches her children.  She spoke of the values and then she caught my attention when she began to expand upon forgiveness.  She tells her children they must practice forgiveness and work to be good at it.

As I heard her say that, my mind trailed off to write this blog because it struck me.  It really resonated with me that forgiveness and a forgiving heart is truly a key to happiness.  I think of the times I have been in the very darkest of days where happiness eluded me. I see now that I was in a place where I was being unforgiving.  For example, after my marriage ended I was in pursuit of my true joy and happiness, but it wasn’t until I fully forgave my ex- husband that I felt my personal happiness again.

As I mentioned earlier, you can read a dozen books about happiness if you would like.  You can find literature about the happiest people in the world, but can you forgive? Practicing forgiveness may be one of the best tactics to finding happiness.  Speaking of forgiveness, have you forgiven yourself for being slightly overweight or too bossy or a stay-at-home or a workaholic?  Have you forgiven your sibling for how they spoke to you or reacted to a situation?  Have you forgiven your friend for speaking ill behind your back against you?

How does forgiveness impact your personal happiness? If you are withholding forgiveness you are putting speedbumps on your road to happiness. If you can not forgive yourself or others, you prevent happiness from full development.  You may think it is easy for me to say because you think I don’t have people to forgive.

I have forgiven myself for all the wrong, inexperienced things I did as a youth director when I was trying to start a praise service.  I handled so many situations incorrectly and it took many years to forgive myself for them.  I forgave my ex-husband for his affairs and disrespect. I forgave the girl who used to bully me in school. I hold no grudge against my cousin who really screwed me in a business deal. I will forgive the person getting off this plane in an hour when she shows no curtesy or respect (trust me this takes a special kind of forgiveness, ha). I choose forgiveness, and I practice it daily.

The world gives us many avenues for anger, hate, bitterness, and unhappiness. What if we armed young people with the practice of forgiveness?  Could we prevent some of the actions they take to get revenge or to make people pay?  Each day we, as adults, are given opportunities to forgive.  We can practice forgiveness, model forgiving behaviors to young people and encourage forgiveness in others.  If you practice forgiveness, you can impact your happiness.  I say this, not as a happiness expert, but as a happy person.

Take some time to reflect and give me feedback if you would like.  If given the opportunity to forgive someone today, would you take it?

WWOD

Anyone remember the wrist bands that us young Christians were wearing in junior high that simply said WWJD? Well today I ask you, WWOD? And not to compare the two religiously at all, but lets be honest we always want to know, “What Would Oprah Do?”

Well I came across a great article this morning about what Oprah did when she found out her male co-worker was making more money even though they were doing the same job. The story is not much different than the one I reference often about Mika Brzezinski on the Morning Joe show.

I believe this is an important article because it goes through two stories for Oprah.  The first demonstrates how she stood up for herself and the second shows how she stood up for other women.  So today I challenge women – stand up for yourself AND stand up for other women. The statistics need to change – we have so far yet to go for equality.  See below an excerpt from the aforementioned article.

While gender equality today has made great strides, women in the workforce are still underrepresented in leadership roles. For example, there are only 24 women helming Fortune 500 companies as CEOs. And in the aggregate, they are paid less than men. Women working full time in the U.S. in 2016 earned $0.80 for every dollar earned by a man, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy and Research (IWPR) and the American University of American Women.

#NotGoodEnough  #KeepAsking4More #SuccessWithoutApology

Sounding Board Save Me

When I was participating in the Women In Fellowship program I heard that the greatest indicator of a woman’s success is her network.  At the time, I found this to be a very fascinating statistic and every since then I have continued to observe women and their networks for affirmation of said research.  While I believe a woman’s network is an indicator of future success,  I’m convinced a woman’s inner circle of her network, professional sounding board is even more indicative of her potential.

By definition,  a sounding board is a person or group on whom one tries out an idea or opinion as a means of evaluating it.  I believe my greatest indicator of success is the quality of my sounding board, more importantly than my full network.  Recently I was having a business issue that I was trying to solve for and after trying my damnedest to figure out how to solve for it, I simply asked two people in my sounding board for their advice.   The question at hand was, “How do I differentiate my business from the other salons in a way that stylists want to stay, have a sense of loyalty, and feel a genuine desire to see the salon success?” Continue reading “Sounding Board Save Me”