She Has a Really Big….

Rolodex.  Of course.  A rolodex.  For those of you under the age of 30 you may not even know what a rolodex is, but way back in the time of paper we had these things that sat on our desks called a rolodex.  The rolodex was a desktop card index used to record names, addresses, and telephone numbers, (or business cards) in a rotating spindle or a small tray to which removable cards are attached.

 

Nowadays we call them phones.  🙂 . But in a recent retreat I participated we were asked to describe our self with one word and the first letter of that word had to be the first letter of our name.  So going with “R” I used the word relational.  I believe that I am a relational personal who builds long-lasting relationships.  I value my relationships with friends, business acquaintances and family a great deal.

I confess I am not the quickest to build the relationship.  I think I have mentioned before that I don’t make very good small talk.   But if we get past the small talk in our conversation then I dig in – I really get to know you.  I have known this about myself and I have a few close friends who know this about me, but honestly when the Mayor of our City described me to a consultant as having a really big rolodex, I was kind of shocked.

Should I be shocked that he thought of me as having a big rolodex? I guess I kind of thought that was my little secret.  Isn’t that kind of weird that I felt exposed and kind of “found out” when I was described as having a big rolodex.  You know, I know people.  haha

After weirding out about it just a little, I have come to take great pride in my rolodex.  I believe the people in my rolodex (or phone) are one of my greatest prized possessions.  I know people.  I know people who know people and everyday I love expanding my network of people.

John Maxwell once said in a training session that he always asks his new friends or acquaintances, “Who do you know that I should know?”  Maybe that is because he too values his rolodex.  He values the people he knows.  I believe I am in company with the likes of someone like Maxwell who is always focused on building his rolodex to grow and develop as a human, a leader, and a mentor.

#GoGrowYourRolodex

Top of the List

I don’t know about you but many of the expectations I have placed on myself are unrealistic.  They did not take into account an injured knee, an emotional job, or the fact that cleaning ANY dishes will be the straw that breaks this camel’s back.  Also, my judgments have lacked perspective.  I’ve come to conclusions about myself without seeing the big picture.

Specifically, I have always had an eye for what was “wrong” and seemed to skim over the multitude of good deeds and characteristics that I shared with the world every day.  These unrealistic expectations and harsh judgments lead me to feel helpless and “not good enough.”  I might as well have been dodging hammer fist punches while walking a tight rope!

My solution?  Grind a little harder.  Make a better plan.  Be more organized.  Say it in a new way.  Really commit.  Sound familiar?  Now, this extreme way of living required relief.  Yet, a nice cup of tea and yoga session did not do the trick.  No, only a Netflix binge, bottle of wine and package of Oreos relieved the worrisome pressure in my chest.  Yikes, I could see a light at the end of the tunnel, but unfortunately it was a train.

After numerous consequences to my mind, body, spirit, relationships, and career, I reluctantly surrendered to the fact that my way was just not working.  To me, this was the toughest blow of all…especially for a person whose main goals had always been to “do well” and “fix it.”  I felt deflated, yet strangely grounded…humbled.  I woke up each day and took a good, honest look at myself.  I wrote in my journal and read my own words.  I cried…a lot…and considered what I actually wanted out of life.   How did I want to exist in this world?  Why did I even want to exist?

Hmmm, I had never asked myself these questions.  How interesting that my whole life I had frantically and ferociously tried to meet and live up to expectations and judgments that weren’t even mine.  If you are nodding along to my words, then we can take comfort in the fact that we are not alone.

Okay, let’s take a collective breath.  We have proved time and time again that we possess creativity, compassion, problem solving skills, and a killer work ethic.  We are not lacking in any way.  Our efforts have simply been divided, interrupted, and unfocused.  We need to take time to consider our values…what is most important to us above anything else…Maybe we step out and put our own well-being at the top of that list.

 

Bio picAlicja Carter, MHR, LADC, BHWC, has been working in the behavioral health and addiction treatment field for over ten years.  She is a Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor and Wellness Coordinator/Coach for Gateway to Prevention and Recovery in Shawnee, Oklahoma.  Alicja is passionate about pursuing a well life and collaborating with others for the purpose of stimulating positive change in her community.

 

 

 

Ep 6: Emma Otto Visits With Rachael about the Art of Negotiating

After listening to the podcast please leave me your comments here.  I would love to hear any of your stories about how you or one of your rockstar girlfriends negotiated creatively.   At every turn of my career I have negotiated a day job that allowed me to take my personal days to officiate basketball.  Your needs may be different – tell me about how you make it happen.

#b2bnetwork #MediaLife #Negotiate4Life #CreativelyNegotiate

WWOD

Anyone remember the wrist bands that us young Christians were wearing in junior high that simply said WWJD? Well today I ask you, WWOD? And not to compare the two religiously at all, but lets be honest we always want to know, “What Would Oprah Do?”

Well I came across a great article this morning about what Oprah did when she found out her male co-worker was making more money even though they were doing the same job. The story is not much different than the one I reference often about Mika Brzezinski on the Morning Joe show.

I believe this is an important article because it goes through two stories for Oprah.  The first demonstrates how she stood up for herself and the second shows how she stood up for other women.  So today I challenge women – stand up for yourself AND stand up for other women. The statistics need to change – we have so far yet to go for equality.  See below an excerpt from the aforementioned article.

While gender equality today has made great strides, women in the workforce are still underrepresented in leadership roles. For example, there are only 24 women helming Fortune 500 companies as CEOs. And in the aggregate, they are paid less than men. Women working full time in the U.S. in 2016 earned $0.80 for every dollar earned by a man, according to the Institute for Women’s Policy and Research (IWPR) and the American University of American Women.

#NotGoodEnough  #KeepAsking4More #SuccessWithoutApology

Sounding Board Save Me

When I was participating in the Women In Fellowship program I heard that the greatest indicator of a woman’s success is her network.  At the time, I found this to be a very fascinating statistic and every since then I have continued to observe women and their networks for affirmation of said research.  While I believe a woman’s network is an indicator of future success,  I’m convinced a woman’s inner circle of her network, professional sounding board is even more indicative of her potential.

By definition,  a sounding board is a person or group on whom one tries out an idea or opinion as a means of evaluating it.  I believe my greatest indicator of success is the quality of my sounding board, more importantly than my full network.  Recently I was having a business issue that I was trying to solve for and after trying my damnedest to figure out how to solve for it, I simply asked two people in my sounding board for their advice.   The question at hand was, “How do I differentiate my business from the other salons in a way that stylists want to stay, have a sense of loyalty, and feel a genuine desire to see the salon success?” Continue reading “Sounding Board Save Me”

All Men: When to Challenge

The board room has an attorney, a facility manager, an office systems business owner, a banker, a pharmacist, a trucker, a retiree and me.  They are brilliant leaders in our community and they are in the dark when it comes to digital media.  I love serving on this board and I love that my background is so diverse from theirs – that I am younger than them, and that I am the “girl” in the room.  One thing that sometimes tickles me is that my ideas are often times completely foreign and outlandish to them, not because I am trying to be different but because my lens is just different. It sometimes leads to some ridicule and comments like, “Yeah, hey Randy – go ahead and twit that out would you?”

Continue reading “All Men: When to Challenge”

Become A Legend, Like Calamity Jane

Martha Jane Cannary, known by most as Calamity Jane, is a woman who knew what she wanted, went to get it, and never looked back.  In my research of Calamity Jane is she is one of those people who wrote her own story.  In fact, today, we still don’t know how much of her story – the one she penned and we read – is considered to be is true  and how much is complete fabrication.  She is known as quite the spinner of tales. The fact that fascinates me about this is that Calamity Jane decided she wanted to be a legend, so she lived and dreamed a legendary life worth us remembering.

Do you have any friends like Calamity Jane?  Do you have people in your life who encourage you to simply – be legendary? Do they challenge you to take risks, fall in love, chase the dream, ask for more money, or stand up for what you believe to be right? Continue reading “Become A Legend, Like Calamity Jane”